Freedom From Wanting Everything

1

Not really in a pensive mood but more of inspired as I heard the Word of God in today's service. I can't help but share in my little way of how I am blessed. My heart was deeply touched I found myself keeping my tears from falling while listening to the pastor sharing the Word. Quite a number of people have been worried about me lately and I appreciate them for that. Yes, I am in struggle and in that struggling I discovered that I am actually carrying some unnecessary burden hence struggling for as long as I can remember, not just the recent months. How I treated it just bore me deeper into a hole and now it feels harder to get back up on the ground. I am a flawed being hiding in my fab, fashionable, well-coordinated or whatever you may call it ootd's. I am someone who is really lost and confused and not any travel destination can offset it. My constant increase in pay and profit from the sideline cannot compensate for what is really lacking in me. I felt like everything is just not enough. I felt entitled and I felt deserving of every damn good thing I could see. And so I fell apart and I am broken into pieces. Right now I am trying my best to refocus and find myself.

I bought this book titled "Gotta Have It!" (by Dr. Gregory L. Jantz) almost a year ago and if only I have read it earlier or right away, I can't help but think that maybe things would have not ended this way today. But well, life happened. I have a confession to make. I'm a hypocrite. I keep on saying thank You, talk and post about gratefulness but deep inside I have always been badly craving for more more more, wanting everything, just a bit of everything, because maybe I wasn't really being thankful, because if I was grateful, there should be contentment. Far from it people, that's how hypocrite I am. Deep inside of me I wasn't really contented. I lost myself in this awful path process I chose. And now that I'm trying my way back to the main road, it has been arduous -- really really difficult one. It's the result of my past hard-to-admit not-so-good choices. I have shifted my security to the things and people around me, which is WRONG. I chose to find comfort on the things that I wanted and did not resort to mending things and or figuring out what I truly need. I was so hard-headed, impatient, immature and so earthly. And now let me use the phrases I am suffering the consequences and I am learning the hard way. Whew, there goes my ego! But I need to accept these stinky things about me because it is through this that I will be really free. 

What I relearned in this really really tough process:

1. Be patient. Be patient with the Lord. God's got me covered in the things that I need and so with those things that I just want, I need patience, be patient with those excessities or things that I just want. Psalm 37:7 (GNT) says "Be patient and wait for the Lord to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans." Leave the choice to Him regardless of how you feel. In the course of just a year, I had a lot of those what-if's and if-only's only because I tolerated my hard-head, my emotions, my earthly desires and did not really rely on His timeframe. I was so impatient that I immediately wanted things to happen NOW in my own time. I actually disregarded my favorite Proverbs 3:5 verse. I learned that patience is not giving up and not doing nothing. Patience is an optimistic expectation. Patience is fueled by hope. As Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) states, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Right now that I am in this very stage of my life, I guess this is the biggest test of my patience so far. I'm now relearning to fully trust the One who is the orchestrator of my life. In His time.

2. Rid of envy. Don't be bitter. Each of one is unique and so as how are lives are designed. Envy makes things worse. It's such an ugly ugly thing to have but for the past months it stayed with me. I cant't help compare myself, my successes, my life to what others have. I kept insulting Him of how He designed me and my life. I kept on questioning Him. Envy is such a strong feeling that won't make someone feel any good. I don't understand myself why I keep clinging to such revolting trait. I relearned to look inside of me and pray and discern of all the good things and the talents He has blessed me with and enhance on these, flourish from where I am planted. It's still hard because I am easily distracted, not to mention the harsh effects of social media. It also boils down to trusting Him and focusing on Him. "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." -James 3:14-16 (NIV)

2. Security and contentment is in our Lord. Seek Him always. If we  try to find security and contentment other than Him, it will always always fail. Trust me, I know how it feels finding security elsewhere and was I successful? Uhmmm NO. God gives and God takes things away. It is only in Him that I can find happiness, joy, fulfillment, satisfaction. The song Unending Love was sang by the worship team a while ago and it hit me so strong I felt like it was again my first time surrendering my life to Him (That's how flawed I am). The song says how I'll find everything I need in His unending love. If Jesus is in me, indeed how can I worry over other trivial things? How can I crave for anything that is less than Him, my everything, in me?

There's no silver or gold and no treasure untold that could draw me away from Your heart. Neither love of myself or of anyone else will do. Letting go of my pride I lay down my desires just to worship in Spirit and truth. More than all of my dreams, more than fame I will seek You Lord. Jesus, nothing compares to this grace that rescues me. Savior, now and forever Your face is all I seek. Now all I am I lay at Your feet I'm humbled by the wonder of Your majesty. One thing I know I find all I need In Your unending love, in Your unending love. Your love, Jesus.  

I've made a big deal of awful decisions and acted wrongly on different situations. Covered in shadows and regrets, it took me one big blow to decide to straighten things out. At the end of the day it's all about bringing back my focus to Him. It's all about Him. I am not telling that I am done with the process that I am a fully changed person. No. Far from it. I just accepted these sad facts and flaws. I am now in the process of moving on and growing up all in God's grace. I am also thankful for that someone who made me realize these things. Thank You, Lord, and thank you for loving me this way. I'll come out of this better, and into that woman You designed me to be.

"Every time you are confronted with a choice between what you want to do and what you need to do, make the most of that chance. Choose wisely and move forward. If you take a step backward, learn from it and grow; use your head. Above all, keep going, keep progressing in your understanding of where to go to truly meet the need. [...] In the end, it really comes down to you and God, which is a very good thing when it comes to needs. In Matthew 6:8, Jesus reassures you that God's got you covered in that department; He already knows what you need even before you ask."

I'll leave you this beautiful song.

Read More »

Book Comment: The Art of Thinking Clearly

0

Title: The Art of Thinking Clearly

Author: Rolf Dobelli
No. of pages:384
Published: 14th May, 2013
Read: February 25, 2015
★★★★

In engaging prose and with practical examples and anecdotes, an eye-opening look at human reasoning and essential reading for anyone with important decisions to make.

Have you ever: 

• Invested time in something that, with hindsight, just wasn't worth it?

• Overpayed in an Ebay auction?

• Continued doing something you knew was bad for you?

• Sold stocks too late, or too early?

• Taken credit for success, but blamed failure on external circumstances?

• Backed the wrong horse? 

These are examples of cognitive biases, simple errors we all make in our day-to-day thinking. But by knowing what they are and how to spot them, we can avoid them and make better choices-whether dealing with a personal problem or a business negotiation; trying to save money or make money; working out what we do or don't want in life: and how best to get it. 

Simple, clear and always surprising, this indispensable book will change the way you think and transform your decision-making-work, at home, every day. It reveals, in 99 short chapters, the most common errors of judgment, and how to avoid them.

It's another of those non-fiction reads that I enjoyed reading. I am no expert in any cognitive related books most especially topics but seems like I am inclined to reading such, hence, my comment is based on my limited view and knowledge. The book presents 99 short chapters of about two to three pages each for the different cognitive biases or thinking fallacies we commit on a day-to-day basis. Mostly presenting examples on money and investments and business-related decision-making, was also a factor that added to my liking of this book. The chapters were pretty simple with most allowing the readers to be involved by presenting cases or scenarios and questions and make the reader decide on some. Short explanations with different citations, and examples come after; with suggestions to avoid the "unclear" thinking, usually forming the conclusion. For someone who enjoys reading about cognitive topics but have limited time to indulge on the more extensive ones, this book serves as a nutshell.

I personally like these chapters (but I guess most!!):

• 2- Does Harvard Make Your Smarter?: Swimmer's Body Illusion
• 4 - If Fifty Million People Say Something Foolish, It is Still Foolish: Social Proof
• 14 - Why You Should Keep a Diary: Hindsight Bias
• 57 - If You Have Nothing To Say Say Nothing: Twaddle Tendency
• 66 - Why You Are a Slave to Your Emotions: Affect Heuristic
• 85 - Why New Year's Resolutions Don't Work: Procrastination
• 86 - Build Your Own Castle: Envy
• 90 - Where's the Off Switch?: Overthinking
• 91 - Why You Take On Too Much: Planning Fallacy
• 93 - Drawing the Bull's-Eye around the Arrow: Cherry Picking

The book was an eye-opener but applying this kind of "clear" thinking would not be easy. Still, this again contributed to my amazement on how our mind works. 

Some quotes below:

“If your only tool is a hammer, all your problems will be nails,” 

“How do you curb envy? First, stop comparing yourself to others. Second, find your “circle of competence” and fill it on your own. Create a niche where you are the best. It doesn’t matter how small your area of mastery is. The main thing is that you are king of the castle.” 

“Whether we like it or not, we are puppets of our emotions. We make complex decisions by consulting our feelings, not our thoughts. Against our best intentions, we substitute the question, “What do I think about this?” with “How do I feel about this?” So, smile! Your future depends on it.” 

“historian Daniel J. Boorstin put it right: “The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance—it is the illusion of knowledge.” 

“Assume that your worldview is not borne by the public. More than that: Do not assume that those who think differently are idiots. Before you distrust them, question your own assumptions.” 

“It’s OK to be envious – but only of the person you aspire to become.” 

“As paradoxical as it sounds: The best way to shield yourself from nasty surprises is to anticipate them.” 

“We must learn to close doors. A business strategy is primarily a statement on what not to engage in. Adopt a life strategy similar to a corporate strategy: Write down what not to pursue in your life. In other words, make calculated decisions to disregard certain possibilities and when an option shows up, test it against your not-to-pursue list. It will not only keep you from trouble but also save you lots of thinking time. Think hard once and then just consult your list instead of having to make up your mind whenever a new door cracks open. Most doors are not worth entering, even when the handle seems to turn so effortlessly.” 

“This is how top investor Warren Buffett does things: “Each deal we measure against the second-best deal that is available at any given time—even if it means doing more of what we are already doing.” 

“Twain: “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it—and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again—and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.” 

"We are drunk on our own ideas. To sober up, take a step back every now and then and examine their quality in hindsight. Which of your ideas from the past ten years were truly outstanding? Exactly."

Read More »

Book Comment: God Never Blinks

0

Title: God Never Blinks

Author: Regina Brett
No. of pages:256
Published: 13th April, 2010
Read: February 2, 2015
★★

Already an internet phenomenon, these wise and insightful lessons by popular newspaper columnist and Pulitzer Prize finalist Regina Brett will make you see the possibilities in your life in a whole new way.

When Regina Brett turned 50, she wrote a column on the 50 lessons life had taught her. She reflected on all she had learned through becoming a single parent, looking for love in all the wrong places, working on her relationship with God, battling cancer and making peace with a difficult childhood. It became one of the most popular columns ever published in the newspaper, and since then the 50 lessons have been emailed to hundreds of thousands of people. Brett now takes the 50 lessons and expounds on them in essays that are deeply personal. From "Don't take yourself too seriously-Nobody else does" to "Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift," these lessons will strike a chord with anyone who has ever gone through tough times--and haven't we all?

I had high expectations reading this book and so I got a tad disappointed. Yes, it is helpful, insightful and I had a lot of fragment takeaways from the different chapters; but it's not compelling and moving enough for me and did not stir much emotions unlike some books of the same line I have previously read. It's still a good read and maybe I would still revisit chapters of this book from time to time. I like how it is really positive and occasionally heartwarming. This is highly recommended for people who maybe experiencing difficulties right now. It's just that I have read better books that I gave that rating.

Read More »

Book Comment: The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbrath

0

Title: The Cuckoo's Calling

Author: Robert Galbraith
No. of pages:455
Published: 30th April, 2013
Read: October 24, 2014
★★★

A brilliant debut mystery in a classic vein: Detective Cormoran Strike investigates a supermodel's suicide.

After losing his leg to a land mine in Afghanistan, Cormoran Strike is barely scraping by as a private investigator. Strike is down to one client, and creditors are calling. He has also just broken up with his longtime girlfriend and is living in his office.

Then John Bristow walks through his door with an amazing story: His sister, the legendary supermodel Lula Landry, known to her friends as the Cuckoo, famously fell to her death a few months earlier. The police ruled it a suicide, but John refuses to believe that. The case plunges Strike into the world of multimillionaire beauties, rock-star boyfriends, and desperate designers, and it introduces him to every variety of pleasure, enticement, seduction, and delusion known to man.

You may think you know detectives, but you've never met one quite like Strike. You may think you know about the wealthy and famous, but you've never seen them under an investigation like this. 

Introducing Cormoran Strike, this is the acclaimed first crime novel J.K. Rowling, writing under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith.

As I began reading it I already had the idea who the real antagonist is and DISAPPOINTEDLY found out at the end of the book that I WAS RIGHT! It was a good feeling but I was looking for a real twist making me comment that the plot is somehow predictable. It is a book that made me interested on how the author would expound on the plot but it did not really have me hooked. There were parts that were dragging and I feel like there were loopholes. I was hoping for more gravity on the different characters of the book. I was expecting a better ending – one that has more impact. I didn’t even feel the climax of the book but I must say this will again be one of those that would be adapted in movies or TV series.

Bought this upon reading the back of the book review. To be honest, I wasn’t aware that it was J.K Rowling in pseudonym who wrote this. Her writing is still commendable coming from children to young adult genre. This book series, Cormoran Strike, looks promising. BUT Rowling has a really long way to go in this category.

Overall, it was still a good read. It is worth buying because it is still J.K Rowling and who knows when she will also be able to penetrate this genre, with this novel as her starting point.

Read More »

Book Comments: "Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki" and "Stumbling on Happiness"

0

Title: Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

Author: Haruki Murakami
No. of pages:387
Published: 12th August, 2014
Read: August 26, 2014
★★★

My review in my Goodreads account is a one-liner, "enough to get me hooked, but not enough to satisfy a craving". I had a pile of books to read and yet I made it sure to squeeze this newly released Murakami book in. I got engrossed once more that I was able to finish reading it in two days (it usually takes me four days or more to read one book).   Murakami has this certain calmness and inviting vibe and is always successful in making me  absorbed with his material. Sadly though that no matter how inviting this book was written,  it did not fully captivate me until its very end. Murakami can be anything but thrilling or suspense but this book is like eating some really yummy ramen but sipping on unusually short noodles. Parang ganon basta bitin pero expected mo na na hanggang dun lang talaga. I feel like Murakami purposed it to be like this and it's what causes my love-hate relationship with this book.

My sister sms-ed me as soon as she read this book:

"Alam mo yung feeling na manipis na yung natitirang pages at nafifeel mo na hindi na siya enough para tapusin yung kwento, tapos naconfirm mo na tama ka. Di nasagot lahat ng tanong ng author, eh siya ang may kasalanan nun, parang sinadya. Pero maganda siya."

I like getting random texts on good and need-not-be-totally-positive reviews on materials I recommend. Haha! Now read it! 

Title: Stumbling on Happiness

Author: Daniel Gilbert
No. of pages: 263
Published: 20th March, 2007
Read: September 22, 2014
★★★

If one thinks of purchasing this because it's yet another self-help book on happiness, I will disappoint you by telling you that it's NOT. This read is far from disappointment though as I have learned fairly enough and still got some "help" out of this book. It is a book on cognitive psychology or exploring on how our brains process, how our brains perceive, think, remember, smell, speak, hear and solve problems. As someone who lacks exposure on psychological matter and matters of the brain, it was really an interesting read which was made even more interesting by the author's witty way of relaying his points. This book also fairly involves the reader with the experiments referenced to. I had a lot of "aaaahhhh" and "cool" and "so that's the reason why" moments going through this book.

This book successfully informed me on the brain's "systematic failure" in helping us reach the maximum potential of our happiness. Despite, in my opinion the round about's of the brain and its psychology, finishing this book still lead me to think that still, happiness is a familiar critical issue, not easily answered, not even our trusty brain can help us with. I would get bashed by telling this, that there would always be a hole like the blind spot of our eyes and brain that science would not be able to fully answer, and is one reason why people turn to spirituality means of trying to attain it.

I had my fair share of nonfiction materials lately and I quite dig on those that are referenced well that I start to think that I might venture on reading studies and journals soon haha!

Read More »