Freedom From Wanting Everything

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Not really in a pensive mood but more of inspired as I heard the Word of God in today's service. I can't help but share in my little way of how I am blessed. My heart was deeply touched I found myself keeping my tears from falling while listening to the pastor sharing the Word. Quite a number of people have been worried about me lately and I appreciate them for that. Yes, I am in struggle and in that struggling I discovered that I am actually carrying some unnecessary burden hence struggling for as long as I can remember, not just the recent months. How I treated it just bore me deeper into a hole and now it feels harder to get back up on the ground. I am a flawed being hiding in my fab, fashionable, well-coordinated or whatever you may call it ootd's. I am someone who is really lost and confused and not any travel destination can offset it. My constant increase in pay and profit from the sideline cannot compensate for what is really lacking in me. I felt like everything is just not enough. I felt entitled and I felt deserving of every damn good thing I could see. And so I fell apart and I am broken into pieces. Right now I am trying my best to refocus and find myself.

I bought this book titled "Gotta Have It!" (by Dr. Gregory L. Jantz) almost a year ago and if only I have read it earlier or right away, I can't help but think that maybe things would have not ended this way today. But well, life happened. I have a confession to make. I'm a hypocrite. I keep on saying thank You, talk and post about gratefulness but deep inside I have always been badly craving for more more more, wanting everything, just a bit of everything, because maybe I wasn't really being thankful, because if I was grateful, there should be contentment. Far from it people, that's how hypocrite I am. Deep inside of me I wasn't really contented. I lost myself in this awful path process I chose. And now that I'm trying my way back to the main road, it has been arduous -- really really difficult one. It's the result of my past hard-to-admit not-so-good choices. I have shifted my security to the things and people around me, which is WRONG. I chose to find comfort on the things that I wanted and did not resort to mending things and or figuring out what I truly need. I was so hard-headed, impatient, immature and so earthly. And now let me use the phrases I am suffering the consequences and I am learning the hard way. Whew, there goes my ego! But I need to accept these stinky things about me because it is through this that I will be really free. 

What I relearned in this really really tough process:

1. Be patient. Be patient with the Lord. God's got me covered in the things that I need and so with those things that I just want, I need patience, be patient with those excessities or things that I just want. Psalm 37:7 (GNT) says "Be patient and wait for the Lord to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans." Leave the choice to Him regardless of how you feel. In the course of just a year, I had a lot of those what-if's and if-only's only because I tolerated my hard-head, my emotions, my earthly desires and did not really rely on His timeframe. I was so impatient that I immediately wanted things to happen NOW in my own time. I actually disregarded my favorite Proverbs 3:5 verse. I learned that patience is not giving up and not doing nothing. Patience is an optimistic expectation. Patience is fueled by hope. As Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) states, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Right now that I am in this very stage of my life, I guess this is the biggest test of my patience so far. I'm now relearning to fully trust the One who is the orchestrator of my life. In His time.

2. Rid of envy. Don't be bitter. Each of one is unique and so as how are lives are designed. Envy makes things worse. It's such an ugly ugly thing to have but for the past months it stayed with me. I cant't help compare myself, my successes, my life to what others have. I kept insulting Him of how He designed me and my life. I kept on questioning Him. Envy is such a strong feeling that won't make someone feel any good. I don't understand myself why I keep clinging to such revolting trait. I relearned to look inside of me and pray and discern of all the good things and the talents He has blessed me with and enhance on these, flourish from where I am planted. It's still hard because I am easily distracted, not to mention the harsh effects of social media. It also boils down to trusting Him and focusing on Him. "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." -James 3:14-16 (NIV)

2. Security and contentment is in our Lord. Seek Him always. If we  try to find security and contentment other than Him, it will always always fail. Trust me, I know how it feels finding security elsewhere and was I successful? Uhmmm NO. God gives and God takes things away. It is only in Him that I can find happiness, joy, fulfillment, satisfaction. The song Unending Love was sang by the worship team a while ago and it hit me so strong I felt like it was again my first time surrendering my life to Him (That's how flawed I am). The song says how I'll find everything I need in His unending love. If Jesus is in me, indeed how can I worry over other trivial things? How can I crave for anything that is less than Him, my everything, in me?

There's no silver or gold and no treasure untold that could draw me away from Your heart. Neither love of myself or of anyone else will do. Letting go of my pride I lay down my desires just to worship in Spirit and truth. More than all of my dreams, more than fame I will seek You Lord. Jesus, nothing compares to this grace that rescues me. Savior, now and forever Your face is all I seek. Now all I am I lay at Your feet I'm humbled by the wonder of Your majesty. One thing I know I find all I need In Your unending love, in Your unending love. Your love, Jesus.  

I've made a big deal of awful decisions and acted wrongly on different situations. Covered in shadows and regrets, it took me one big blow to decide to straighten things out. At the end of the day it's all about bringing back my focus to Him. It's all about Him. I am not telling that I am done with the process that I am a fully changed person. No. Far from it. I just accepted these sad facts and flaws. I am now in the process of moving on and growing up all in God's grace. I am also thankful for that someone who made me realize these things. Thank You, Lord, and thank you for loving me this way. I'll come out of this better, and into that woman You designed me to be.

"Every time you are confronted with a choice between what you want to do and what you need to do, make the most of that chance. Choose wisely and move forward. If you take a step backward, learn from it and grow; use your head. Above all, keep going, keep progressing in your understanding of where to go to truly meet the need. [...] In the end, it really comes down to you and God, which is a very good thing when it comes to needs. In Matthew 6:8, Jesus reassures you that God's got you covered in that department; He already knows what you need even before you ask."

I'll leave you this beautiful song.

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"Let everything you say be good and helpful"

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Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. –Ephesians 4:29 

I do not know anyone who hears curses as music to the ears or who enjoys a lot hearing negative statements, and more so who feels giddy when people give you uncalled, out-of-nowhere criticism or insult. On one of my morning devotions, I have re-encountered the verse above. I am reminded that my tongue should be more of a tool of flourishing words and statements than damaging ones. I noticed that recently my mouth has been gabbling a lot of rants and more than nourishing talks. I feel thankful that I have a boyfriend who forthrightly told me about this. Come to think of it, maybe one reason why I have been feeling discouraged lately is because of my self-dissuasion - because the words I say instead of affirming and attracting the maybe supposed-to-be good things blow them away instead. And it’s just the beginning of the year, it doesn’t seem right. I may have been insensitive as well to what these words have caused others, too. I might have triggered someone else’s negative emotions unknowingly. 

 It was a timely reminder that Oops Merie, hush those. You might not be saying curse words like p*ta and f*ck but the negative statements are just as bad. I prayed for my heart first, that whatever it holds, I lift them all up to Him. And that my tongue would help exude the more gratifying portion, that the words coming out will be nice and caring; that when people hear me they will be more blessed and be inspired; that I may help instead of making things worse; that I may encourage than dishearten someone’s spirit. Words even like small compliments can make someone’s day. Maybe that someone just needed a simple praise to help him get by the day. I told myself to be not selfish in giving out compliments no matter how I critique about anything, I must learn how to give tiny compliments, to encourage even in the most trivial way. 

I also came across this “Drive by Compliments” video which is lovely to watch. You’d see those genuine smiles. You have no idea whose day you can make. On a side note, in Philippine streets setting, medyo creepy ang dating but it can still make someone smile.

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Relying on God

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I've had bad times and moments because of my frustrations. But I've learned to trust God and lift them all up to Him. I've learned to always ask for His guidance and believe in His purpose in me. One day I was too frustrated that I already cried to myself. Then I have very timely encountered this devotional and it greatly helped. I found myself crying to Him. Since then, I relied more on the Author of my story. Life became more bearable. He worked on and through my frustrations.

Relying on God 

I believe every time we feel frustration, it means we've really stopped relying on God. That might sound like a bold statement to you, but think about it: God's given you and me His Holy Spirit and His grace to help us walk through anything that comes our way. Frustration hits when we stop depending on Him and try to make something happen our own way.
Understanding this really helped me. Every time I became frustrated, I reminded myself that what I was really doing was trying to take the place of the Holy Spirit. I was trying to be Holy Spirit Junior! 

Do you struggle with an independent spirit? When you refuse to depend on God, in essence, you're saying, "Okay, God, I appreciate that You're around, but watch me do this." Depending on God for everything may be difficult, but it's the key to the victory we need every single day of our lives. 

When God saved us, He didn't help us and then say, "Ok, that's it. You're on your own now!" He's eternally saved us, which means if we depend on Him, He will guide us and help us. 

Galations 5:16 urges us to "walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit...then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh".... Notice that it doesn't say "conquer the flesh independently...then you will certainly not gratify the desires of the flesh." No, it says to live in the Holy Spirit. 

Choose to stop living independently, and rely on the Holy Spirit. I promise you won't regret it! (Joyce Meyer)

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 

-Galatians 5:16

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Still Weaving

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So I'm home alone on a Sunday morning as I arrived home late last night already. I was having breakfast and thinking life ahead of me. Alam mo yung normal na napapaisip ka if am I on the right track, given that currently I enrolled myself in fashion school, started a tiny business, will transfer to a new company... I started thinking if I am in the right spot on this second of this date. And as I was already doing my devotional, I feel like God answered me through it. 

My life was in a bumpy ride but I couldn't be thankful enough to Him for where I am now is a lot better where I was. But STILL, I can’t help but be anxious of what might happen ahead of me. I may not be in a very tough time right now, I've been through tough times (thank God!), but I know God may allow these kinds of times again to happen.

As what this devotional is trying to relay, I must stop looking merely at the back side of my life’s tapestry. Ang daming buhol, ang daming gupit-gupit, there are threads I can’t even connect. And I must stop disappointing myself by expecting things would turn out the way I want it too. For the past few years, I found it hard entrusting it all to Him. Umiral ang pagkamatigas ng ulo ko that I wanted it my way. But amazingly, events turned out to be actually better than what I planned, one after the other, because I kept on praying and I entrusted it all to Him. Only God knows. What I feel right now? I am so eager of what masterpiece God created my life to be, He has a purpose, hence, I will continue to entrust my life to Him, well, He lent it to me anyway. 

“Called With A Purpose” 

"We know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

Paul’s assurance in his letter to the Romans is one of the most quoted and least understood passage in the New Testament. When some people hear the verse, they flare in ager because they think Paul is saying that the traumatic event they’ve just experienced is good. But that’s not at all what he’s saying. 

Paul is inviting us to remember – in every situation, even the most painful ones – the final result of our lives’ tapestry. We should remember that the God of love, wisdom, and strength has the ability to weave the dark threads or our lives in with the light-colored ones to produce something beautiful. In our pain all we can see is the back of the fabric, but we can be assured that God will produce something fine out of it. 

Although God promises to work things for our good the promise of the verse isn’t that things will work out the way we want them to. God is the weaver and events are the threads. Our lives are just the loom on which He works to create His masterpiece. In many cases, we find that God’s design is quite different from what we hoped, dreamed, or even contemplated. We can either follow the design He has planned, or we can continue to demand our own way. One leads to life and peace; the other, to anger and despair, choose wisely, with faith in God and His design. 

Mankind is all too often inclined to take credit for his accomplishments, but when things go wrong, he blames God. -Zig Ziglar

Source: The One Year Daily Insights with Zig Ziglar and Dr. Ike Reighard

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160. They are new every morning...

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Sing with me!

They are new every morning.

Great is thy faithfulness...

Isn't it wonderful that there is a loving, merciful and gracious God?

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