Monday, April 20, 2009

Bigger Picture

It’s been a month. My blog seems like it’s in a hiatus, but truthfully, I’ve been checking on it regularly, hoping for blogger friends who still visit despite my no-time-to-visit-them plus no-net-connection-at-home. And I’m thankful that there are still who visit – true blogger friends indeed – special mention to my darling Shing! Wuhoo! I also do hope that my blogger friends haven’t erased or removed yet my link on their lists, but then again, I really can’t blame them. I wanna ‘go back’ to the cyberworld. I wanna share so many stuff but as for now, I would just like to share this entry I made 2 months ago.

Look at the bigger picture.

This day didn’t start well. The usual problem that seems to be a rag at our family’s doorstep said hello again. Annoying. Distracting. Irritating. I questioned no one – why me? Why my family?

On a morning conversation that was supposed to cheer me up for the rest of the lame hours this day, I walked out, stepped out of the door, of the gate and into the village streets, walked out trying hard to prevent the tears from falling. My eyes were watery. If not because of the sunglasses I’m wearing, my eyes would have glistened as the sunshine beamed to my gloomy face. Gloomy face, covered eyes, dressed up pretty well and yet furious inside of me. I wanted to shout, to cry my loudest and get someone that can answer my burning queries. I know of only one, yet I didn’t bother turn to Him. I failed the test.

The feelings were contained in me. The ride to the office did no help. I tried to sleep which might aid me repress these feelings… to no avail.

I swiped my ID. My walking-out earlier led me to arriving at the office earlier than I wanted. I got a text from my Mom. This time, the tears I’ve been holding back broke out. I needed to get out of the office where no one possibly knows me.

I brought with me the hard to contain emotions thinking they might slip out of me as I walk and ponder.

The mobile phone in my pocket vibrated. Good one. It distracted me until I read what’s in the quote sent.

Life is totally twisted, things change and shit happens. So choose what makes
you happy or die in sadness tomorrow.

Yeah, right! Shit happens. And I mean S-H-I-T! But should I allow these shits to get deeper into my nerves and conceal the supposed glee? I don’t know.

As I walked, the buried happiness twitched inside of me. I looked around. Anything around me can be foundations of my happiness. I can actually find happiness everywhere, my supposed glee and gratefulness. I almost cried.

In front of me were two persons, a couple maybe. They made me realize that I am still in a position which others would prefer over where they’re in. I am actually still in good standing. I am blessed. The couple walked hand in hand. Typical couple, almost, until I looked down on their feet and saw a really soiled pair worn by the man – a pair of shoes good enough to protect his soles and to cover the upper part of the feet. Every time he steps, the sides of the shoes open. And yet when I saw his face, he’s smiling. He is not bothered by the thing I noticed -- unmindful of this little thing.

If I were in his shoes, and with this I may mean it in the literal sense, I would not dare step from the time I discovered my shoes are broken. Or did that man know from the start and yet didn’t allow it to bother him, he just went on and maybe thought, it is still possible to take steps with those pair and even smile like he’s wearing some new and branded pair. This hit me real hard. There I was, behind him, and in a better pair of shoes.

Maybe I should be like that man. Life goes on despite problems and difficulties. Maybe I should always look at the bigger picture; at the brighter side of the situation. If I would always look at that pity broken pair ONLY, I would feel pity for the man wearing it as well. But in a bigger picture, seeing the man smiling makes the picture better and brighter.

The default sentiment of life is actually bliss. It’s just a matter of perspective.
I went back to the office sort of relieved. I can wear a smile again, a half-smile maybe. I felt better. I mused. I am blessed regardless of everything negative around me. And I turned to the One I must have turned to right from the start. I asked for forgiveness and I thanked Him.
Today is my Mom's Golden Birthday. Thank You Lord for giving her this life. :)

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