Monday, June 22, 2015

Freedom From Wanting Everything

Not really in a pensive mood but more of inspired as I heard the Word of God in today's service. I can't help but share in my little way of how I am blessed. My heart was deeply touched I found myself keeping my tears from falling while listening to the pastor sharing the Word. Quite a number of people have been worried about me lately and I appreciate them for that. Yes, I am in struggle and in that struggling I discovered that I am actually carrying some unnecessary burden hence struggling for as long as I can remember, not just the recent months. How I treated it just bore me deeper into a hole and now it feels harder to get back up on the ground. I am a flawed being hiding in my fab, fashionable, well-coordinated or whatever you may call it ootd's. I am someone who is really lost and confused and not any travel destination can offset it. My constant increase in pay and profit from the sideline cannot compensate for what is really lacking in me. I felt like everything is just not enough. I felt entitled and I felt deserving of every damn good thing I could see. And so I fell apart and I am broken into pieces. Right now I am trying my best to refocus and find myself.

I bought this book titled "Gotta Have It!" (by Dr. Gregory L. Jantz) almost a year ago and if only I have read it earlier or right away, I can't help but think that maybe things would have not ended this way today. But well, life happened. I have a confession to make. I'm a hypocrite. I keep on saying thank You, talk and post about gratefulness but deep inside I have always been badly craving for more more more, wanting everything, just a bit of everything, because maybe I wasn't really being thankful, because if I was grateful, there should be contentment. Far from it people, that's how hypocrite I am. Deep inside of me I wasn't really contented. I lost myself in this awful path process I chose. And now that I'm trying my way back to the main road, it has been arduous -- really really difficult one. It's the result of my past hard-to-admit not-so-good choices. I have shifted my security to the things and people around me, which is WRONG. I chose to find comfort on the things that I wanted and did not resort to mending things and or figuring out what I truly need. I was so hard-headed, impatient, immature and so earthly. And now let me use the phrases I am suffering the consequences and I am learning the hard way. Whew, there goes my ego! But I need to accept these stinky things about me because it is through this that I will be really free. 

What I relearned in this really really tough process:

1. Be patient. Be patient with the Lord. God's got me covered in the things that I need and so with those things that I just want, I need patience, be patient with those excessities or things that I just want. Psalm 37:7 (GNT) says "Be patient and wait for the Lord to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans." Leave the choice to Him regardless of how you feel. In the course of just a year, I had a lot of those what-if's and if-only's only because I tolerated my hard-head, my emotions, my earthly desires and did not really rely on His timeframe. I was so impatient that I immediately wanted things to happen NOW in my own time. I actually disregarded my favorite Proverbs 3:5 verse. I learned that patience is not giving up and not doing nothing. Patience is an optimistic expectation. Patience is fueled by hope. As Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) states, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Right now that I am in this very stage of my life, I guess this is the biggest test of my patience so far. I'm now relearning to fully trust the One who is the orchestrator of my life. In His time.

2. Rid of envy. Don't be bitter. Each of one is unique and so as how are lives are designed. Envy makes things worse. It's such an ugly ugly thing to have but for the past months it stayed with me. I cant't help compare myself, my successes, my life to what others have. I kept insulting Him of how He designed me and my life. I kept on questioning Him. Envy is such a strong feeling that won't make someone feel any good. I don't understand myself why I keep clinging to such revolting trait. I relearned to look inside of me and pray and discern of all the good things and the talents He has blessed me with and enhance on these, flourish from where I am planted. It's still hard because I am easily distracted, not to mention the harsh effects of social media. It also boils down to trusting Him and focusing on Him. "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." -James 3:14-16 (NIV)

2. Security and contentment is in our Lord. Seek Him always. If we  try to find security and contentment other than Him, it will always always fail. Trust me, I know how it feels finding security elsewhere and was I successful? Uhmmm NO. God gives and God takes things away. It is only in Him that I can find happiness, joy, fulfillment, satisfaction. The song Unending Love was sang by the worship team a while ago and it hit me so strong I felt like it was again my first time surrendering my life to Him (That's how flawed I am). The song says how I'll find everything I need in His unending love. If Jesus is in me, indeed how can I worry over other trivial things? How can I crave for anything that is less than Him, my everything, in me?
There's no silver or gold and no treasure untold that could draw me away from Your heart. Neither love of myself or of anyone else will do. Letting go of my pride I lay down my desires just to worship in Spirit and truth. More than all of my dreams, more than fame I will seek You Lord. Jesus, nothing compares to this grace that rescues me. Savior, now and forever Your face is all I seek. Now all I am I lay at Your feet I'm humbled by the wonder of Your majesty. One thing I know I find all I need In Your unending love, in Your unending love. Your love, Jesus.  

I've made a big deal of awful decisions and acted wrongly on different situations. Covered in shadows and regrets, it took me one big blow to decide to straighten things out. At the end of the day it's all about bringing back my focus to Him. It's all about Him. I am not telling that I am done with the process that I am a fully changed person. No. Far from it. I just accepted these sad facts and flaws. I am now in the process of moving on and growing up all in God's grace. I am also thankful for that someone who made me realize these things. Thank You, Lord, and thank you for loving me this way. I'll come out of this better, and into that woman You designed me to be.

"Every time you are confronted with a choice between what you want to do and what you need to do, make the most of that chance. Choose wisely and move forward. If you take a step backward, learn from it and grow; use your head. Above all, keep going, keep progressing in your understanding of where to go to truly meet the need. [...] In the end, it really comes down to you and God, which is a very good thing when it comes to needs. In Matthew 6:8, Jesus reassures you that God's got you covered in that department; He already knows what you need even before you ask."

I'll leave you this beautiful song.

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Monday, April 20, 2015

WIW: Saturday Summer Feels

It was a busy busy Saturday but I am not complaining. Last Saturday was so productive; it was a happy pill for me! The only thing that irritated me that day was the unwarranted SUMMER HEAT!! I believe the temperature that day rose up to 36.5 Celsius high! Thank God for air-conditioning!! As you may already know I AM NOT A FAN of SUMMER. One of the few good things for me that I love about summer is I am free to wear “lighter” and shorter clothes without being much bothered by the rain or the cold. It’s one season to give those layers a rest and simply put on a dress. My outfit last Saturday may not be a dress but it’s a perfect example on how someone should dress lightly! Haha! I am wearing a comfy printed sheer top from Miss Merie. It’s actually my lazy outfit, top and shorts, most especially these HOT summer days. 

Another go-to outfit not just on summer is dresses! It’s so easy to just slip in a dress then off I go! I always enjoy creating and shopping for dresses. I frequently visit Polyvore as the choices on this site seem endless! But of course, it's more of a window-shopping online. Just last Saturday I was doing my rounds of gathering inspiration for my designs, and I chanced upon these pretty nice dresses and it actually caters locally!! I almost shopped!! I had to stop before I click on the proceed to payment button. Anyways, let me end it here before this crazy heat completely drain my energy as I have some dresses to make for my clients as well. :) 
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Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Bamba Bistro Birthday Dinner

Bambaaaaaa Bamba Bistro! Sister's birthday sumptuous dinner was at Bamba Bistro, guess where?? Still along Aguirre Avenue in BF Homes! I chanced upon this on one of Patty Laurel's blog posts. I have to agree with her positive review of the place and the menu. It was a Tuesday evening and still the place was packed! It is not big enough. We were already seated outside the reason why I don't have much photos of the place. One downside is the serving time which took about at least thirty minutes for a meal to be served. Hence, this might be a good venue for catching up, plenty of time haha! What we ordered that night was worth the wait and their prices.
French Fries Moderne - feta, honey, fried rosemary Php 190
I LOVE this!!! 
Baby Back Ribs Php450
Crispy Lapu Lapu Php490
MOST LIKED dish that night! Yummy yummy crispy lapu lapu fillet!
Lamb Adobo Php395
An interesting take on lamb meat. I believe this is one must-try in their menu. The distinct taste of lamb meat is evident in this dish.
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Milky Moustache in BF Homes

Family dessert night at Milky Moustache still along Aguirre Ave in BF Homes! I can still picture it as a "white" and neat place with a touch of sweetness. From outside the white interiors will catch attention, milky indeed. Unless packed with people, I see the place as somewhere I could find myself busy with a book or a magazine. There is also a hint of coziness in it, their chairs are comfy with high backs. It's also interesting to look at the quotes chalked in the framed blackboards on the wall. That night we ordered their English Moustache (cookies and cream), Mario (Kitkat) and Batwing (coffee) milkshakes. Obviously mine was the coffee one and I liked it! Just the right mix of coffee and milkshake. Didn't like much their Mario and their English Moustache was too sweet. I would like to be back to try their other flavors and their bestseller which was not available that evening. Prices are a tad expensive, ranging from Php150-180, if I recall it right on their milkshakes.
The place is attractive from outside.
Their interiors are neat, nice and simple. 
Their menu as mentioned by one of those who assisted us are not yet final that time.
Our milkshakes.
Picturing myself alone in this place. Not bad.
Yes, my Mom has been taking lots of photos lately. 
Parents <3 p="">
Sisterly lovin'.
Family is love. Family is forever.

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Que's Birthday

It's two months overdue but my one and only thus the best sister's birthday is worth a space here in my personal nook online! I couldn't ask for any better person to be my sister other than Queza. A very down-to-earth,  nice, hardworking, responsible, wise and bright, basta napakabait at napakabuting tao my sister is! It's funny looking back on those two decades and so on how we grew up and now we are both trying to get past through our "adult problems"! Hahaha! Parang kailan lang when she was one cutie patootie grey-eyed bald baby girl and now she's grown to be the best in bullying me! My only prayer is for her to grow even more, to be the best woman God intended her to be. I know she will. 
On the second of February, as part of sorta early celebration, we dined in at Mama Lou's in BF Homes. Mama has been wanting to eat there and so we did that night. Oh how it satisfied our tummies! Mama Lou's has been consistently meeting my expectations so far. I understand why it does not run out customers. :) We also had our dessert at Milky Moustache after which I would also be posting about next. 

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Monday, March 30, 2015

Aficionado: CAD Coffee in Singapore

 Finally, naks a post on my blog's aficionado series featuring a cafe abroad! Hahaha! Throwback to November of last year when I was in SG, I made sure to drop by Haji lane and try CAD Cafe. Sure it is, now I am writing about it! Haha! This cafe won't go unnoticed with its bright blue exterior and graffiti paintings. The place is a tiny one with about two to three tables inside and some stools. But true to the meaning of CAD (Coffee Art and Design), how little the place may be, it showcases local and international artworks. No, my photos won't do justice with what I am saying haha! There were artworks displayed on every wall of CAD cafe. 

CAD Cafe is all about Coffee, Art & Design. The founders with backgrounds in art and design have created a space that showcases various works from internationally renowned artists to local upcoming and student works. Also extremely passionate about coffee and food, you can sip on an exceptional cup of coffee and bite into some tasty fare whilst admiring the art work on display. Pop in and say hi at 23 Haji Lane and enjoy the relaxed atmosphere with great coffee, food and craft beers. Not only will you find CAD Café at its home base, keep an eye out for our pop up coffee and juice bars at various events across the island. (
 They serve all-breakfast menu and sandwiches. We tried their Grilled Cheese Toasties and it was good! E wala e ma-cheese e so instant like for me! And since it was really hot that day we tried their iced coffee drinks (Ice Latte and Ice Mocha). Their coffee are made of the same coffee beans Toby's Estate use and nothing "CAD-specialty". 
 For someone from another country like me, I found their menu pricey hahaha! But should I be living in Singapore, this would qualify for a go-to place. =) There's a whole lot of coffee shops in Singapore but CAD Cafe is worth a visit and a try.  
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Monday, March 23, 2015

Aficionado: Mary Grace's Capppuccino w Muoscovado and Chocolate

Me-time is priceless to me and I usually spend them with a book. Mary Grace is one of my favorite spots for having my lone time and I usually order their carbonara. But just recently I decided to try their cheese roll and their cappuccino with muscovado and chocolate drink combo. Oh the grilled cheese rolls is a new favorite and their drink did not disappoint. I like it better than their signature hot chocolate. This pair might also be a new staple to my alone-time in Mary Grace but I should try their other drinks as well.
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Monday, March 16, 2015

Aficionado: Wildflour's Vietnamese Latte

It’s all because of "girlfriend duties" that I had the chance to sip on Wildflour’s Vietnamese latte. Wildflour Salcedo has just recently opened and it’s nearby Luke’s basketball tournament venue. While waiting for his basketball game to start and while he was warming up, wanted to have a cup of Flat White from Toby’s but decided to try some coffee from Wildflour which I haven’t done even when I was still working in BGC. It was a good decision and their Vietnamese latte actually suited my taste buds' liking. =) It would have been better if I coupled it with some of their known pastry or something from their delectable menu. Maybe next time.
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