93. cos I badly want to start anew but there's really no need to it

This feeling of wanting to just erase everything unpleasant and remain those that are luscious to my recalling. But NO.

There have been a lot of mistakes, shortcomings, transgressions and yes, regrets, that I'm afraid of the possible consequences I'm about to face a second from now to a second before I die. I've been so hard-headed, so stubborn, so stupid that these thoughts that keep on rushing in for the past days give me pains and aches to every vein where the blood passes through, not to mention the physical throbbing headache I've been feeling for four days now. A time would really come for these thoughts. I'm still human. I'm just glad I surpassed it without thinking of killing my delicate self.

Because I cast my burdens to Him, my Potter. As much as I want to share my encounter with Him, I want to set aside another blog entry (if time permits) regarding that matter. The scenario is just shallow but the impact is so deep.

God works so good that I always end up dumbfounded, surprised, astonished (in good ways). God is so amazing. He would use a jeepney driver, a sign at the back of the jeepney, a shirt worn by a homeless beggar, a hairdresser, a folder held by the person seated beside you inside the bus, even a book written by an 'almost-atheist'; He would make use of things you hardly notice and then because He's using them you would just start noticing them things and you'd end up "woah, yeah, right, oh gosh, RIGHT!! Why am I even thinking of this?? Why did I even bother do this" and so and so and blah blah. (Sorry if I'm confusing if ever I got some readers here...) That's my Potter. He's definitely my Strength on those times my knee calves are so prone to breakage.

Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
He will never let the righteous fall.
--Psalm 55:22

This afternoon, I was in our usual second-Sunday youth gathering. I'm in a seat having thoughts of "Wow, look at this youth relaying messages from my Potter. I'm so glad I can see fruits". And so he was speaking about a certain topic but that certain topic isn't what I'm getting, but all I know is still my Potter is talking to me through him. And then my favorite pastora concluded what he said and BAM! I'm like a chandelier broken because of a high note that hit me. It's like JACKPOT! YEAH, RIGHT! That's it. That's really it. Thank You, my Lord. THANK YOU.

And here I am so excited to meet each new sunrise with a face holding the brightest smile I could possibly give, with a heart overjoyed and filled with gratefulness. The gray past I can't erase and which is surely part and is the reason for the present -- I won't let it ruin me, more so my future. Let go. Break free. Love more. Embrace the goodness in life God has offered way before negativities existed.

My chains are gone. I've been set free.